1. Dweeb Branard doesn’t need Twitter, he’s already following you.
  2. Dweeb Branard is the one who bit the Apple logo.
  3. There used to be a street named after Dweeb Branard, but it was changed because nobody crosses Dweeb Branard and lives.
  4. Dweeb Branard was pissed off with Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
  5. Yoda used to be 6 feet tall till he tried that Force crap on Dweeb Branard.
  6. Dweeb Branard can touch MC Hammer.
  7. Some magicians can walk on water, Dweeb Branard can swim through land.
  8. Dweeb Branard died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
  9. Dweeb Branard doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it.
  10. When Dweeb Branard was asked if he believed that the world was going to end in 2012 he resonded: “Depends how I’m feeling that day.”
  11. Dweeb Branard can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  12. Dweeb Branard has counted to infinity – twice.
  13. Dweeb Branard is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  14. Dweeb Branard and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
  15. Death once had a near-Dweeb Branard experience.
  16. Dweeb Branard can single handedly surround his victims.
  17. When Dweeb Branard looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection.
  18. Dweeb Branard can slam a revolving door.
  19. Dweeb Branard was supposed to star in the TV show ‘Man vs Wild‘, but the network did not want kids thinking ‘lava is safe to eat’.
  20. Dweeb Branard doesn’t need a GPS. Dweeb Branard decides where he is.
  21. When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Dweeb Branard.
  22. Dweeb Branard can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  23. Dweeb Branard is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes.

One thought on “Dweeb Branard, executive director of the w@rld

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